I’m going to be that asshole…
Posted on October 24, 2007
Filed Under bus rides, education, kids, parenting, snark, suburban joys | 7 Comments
Tomorrow I’m going to have to be that asshole…you know the one, the one that marches down the street to the distant neighbor’s door; the one that knocks with purpose and authority, claiming the space that is their front door step, dominating the situation at hand. Having no idea what the parent behind that door looks like, never having exchanged a word, I will be the asshole that is a perfect stranger accusing the residents therein of harboring fourth grade hellions who make my children miserable on the bus, day in, day out.
Undoubtedly this will be a delicate confrontation. One that will require my most expert attempts at deflecting hostility with ample amounts of self deprecation and plenty of observations about the horrific behavior of my own children from time to time. This almost always works, the old: I’m-a-terrible-parent-too-and can’t believe my-own-maladjusted-children-haven’t-made-little-girls-cry-and-younger-boys-weep type of approach.
This is a particularly uncomfortable role for me. I can still remember the time my mother dragged me by the ear over to Becky Rhetman’s house and made me apologize for teasing her on the bus. (She did wet her pants. It was fourth grade when wetting one’s pants is social suicide, but, still, I was made to grovel.) I know first hand the scolding and the reprimand and the possible halt on allowance that Max and Brian will experience after my visit. I do not envy them the fall-out of my purposeful knock.
And, knowing the ins and outs of fourth grade bus shenanigans, I have made it abundantly clear to O and G that my going to Max and Brian’s house could spark a veritable teasing shit-storm. That instead of the intended result, my visit could launch a retaliation that may include increased harassment, merciless taunting and a lifetime of well launched spit-balls. They seem willing to make the gamble.
So I steel myself for the confrontation and hope that I’m doing the right thing. Damn this parenting thing is hard.
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