Pestilence and Dramatic Weather Events
Posted on February 13, 2008
Filed Under airlines, another dread disease, bat-ass crazy, bitching and moaning, challenges, holiday fun, vacation | 11 Comments
I’m typing a brief adieu, I’m off to Florida where I hope to unwind and run sand through my fingers and unveil my shoulders to the kiss of the sun for the first time since September.
But it’s got to get worse before it can get better, right? As you’re reading this, I’m probably sitting in the airport terminal enduring a lengthy delay due to inclement weather in the Northeast. It would figure that it’s got to hail and sleet and snow on the one day, after the 670 days I’ve sat home staring at my laptop, that we actually plan to evacuate for parts more tropical and breezy.
It’s not just the weather that poses a challenge to the Madmarriage plans. It would also figure that one day before departure, a battery of tests come back positive for chronic inflammation of the uterine lining. Turns out theres some itty bitty micro-organism thrashing around in there and only an antibiotic regime of startling complexity will remedy what ails me. If this isn’t a case of the cure being worse than the disease, well I don’t know what it is. A pill must be swallowed four times a day, one hour before eating and two to three hours after a meal. I am not to lay down for thirty minutes after taking the medication which pretty much rules out the plan of taking two of the four doses in the middle of the night so I can resume normal levels of nutrient consumption by day.
Trying to follow the medication schedule only highlights the fact that I must, on a normal basis, eat absolutely all day. I’m practically starving with the limitations of this pill taking regime. And I can’t wait for the other side effects, aside from starvation, to kick in. I kid you not, the following ailments are listed as possible side effects of the drug: nausea, vomiting, diarrhea (great fun on fully booked flights), mouth sores, a black hairy tongue (yes, I did say a black hairy tongue. WTF?), sore throat, dizziness, head ache, rectal discomfort (again, WTF?), sensitivity to the sun (perfect for my beach vacation), nail discoloration, muscle pain, difficult or painful swallowing, brown/gray tooth discoloration, numbness of the hands and feet, fatigue, hearing changes (What’s that you say? Someone is trying to kill me?), oral thrush and yeast infection, and that’s just if all goes well. I’m supposed to just sit back and endure the black, hairy tongue and the tooth discoloration but should sit up and take notice, call my doctor (who is obviously trying to poison me) if I should develop a fever, the chills, acute abdominal pain, bloody stool, white patches in my mouth, trouble breathing, chest pains and a fast irregular heart beat.
I’m trying to accept the inevitability of all this. It’s Murphy’s Law, right? Plan a trip to Florida and the Gods will smite thee with pestilence and dramatic weather events. So wish me luck, on-time air travel, a pink healthy tongue and cooperative high pressure systems for the next seven days.
I will try to post a few times from my parents’ retirement community but I’m not sure they’ve discovered wireless access down in those parts. It’s still dial-up and regular cable television. It’s simple living. I will adapt.
Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
